The psychology of my canceled fight

What is up people?!! I hope you are living the dream and loving life. I am for sure starting new chapters in the LMT world. Spending time working on broadening the horizons of and for the LMT team as well as the reach of the movement. I am also getting ready to put on my first event. So all in all there are a lot of positive things going on however in the midst of all this good stuff I had planned on having a fight. Now, it was to be a tune up, keep me active fight leading into a big fight in May. I had started the grind of extra training, started going through the emotional rollercoaster, and the ideas of am I good enough ,should I be doing this,etc.. Everyone is different but for me it is always like this until the last week of training when I just move into a space where I just don't care about the voices in my head and only think "please just ring the bell". As I am dealing with all of that I get the news that my fight has been canceled. Just like that, the rug has been snatched from beneath my feet. It was extra crappy because I had to tell some of my team that they wouldn't be fighting either. It may not seem like much but for an older fighter with no coach, manager and self awareness enough to know that there aren't many opportunities left, it is a huge let down. After the shock and let down comes the doubt, maybe that was it the last hurrah. "There's no reason to fight anymore, I've done everything I can do", the mind is an incredible motivator and even worse negative Nancy. Once I have come to the realization that I am not fighting and the emotions have settled it becomes easier again just to focus on the fighters competing in the next month. That is until I start to watch fights on youtube or see fights on TV, read blogs, teach class, spar, and on and on. I am addicted to it. I am addicted to the grind of training, teaching, and challenging myself. I've come to the realization that it just won't change and I need to compete physically.So planning on spending the next month stretching, getting strong, making money, and getting ready for the challenge of competition as I know for sure I will be fighting in some way either Muay Thai or Jiu Jitsu.
   I've spent a lot of time learning my craft and I was a really late starter for Muay Thai, but I truly love it. Some people will never understand the amount of work it takes to train, teach, learn, and apply but it is a labor of love to the fullest extent. I am more in Love with it now than ever. 

EPILOGUE: Shortly after writing this I slammed my finger in a steel door.. Ugh. So the plan is solidified. Train what I can with focus on healing body and mind. Sometimes the universe makes your path for you. 

Peace

Luck