Showing posts with label Muay Thai. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Muay Thai. Show all posts

Monday, October 7, 2019

Measuring and motivation


    What is really good people??!! This was on my mind and I couldn't quite hash it out in my manic brain so I decided to try to do it here. The question is how do you measure success and if you do so by comparison to others, at what point does that become detrimental. When it comes to fighting we are often compared to or making comparisons to other fighters. We as a combat community often take cues from those that innovate with a spectacular knockout or technique in competition.
Soon after Anderson Silva used a front kick/teep to the jaw of Vitor Belfort the front kick to the face became a regular staple of mma fighters much the way people are using Saenchai's cartwheel kick regularly now. These moments how we grow in skill and community as well as evolve our independent artforms on an international scale. As fans we compare fighters and accomplishments to determine who is the best. As fighters we see others in positions either better or worse than our own. With the right training, mindstate, diet, recovery, coaches, training partners, will, promoters, and a dash of luck you can be one of the few fighters that reach the pinnacle of your sport. Clearly it won't happen for everyone. So when we look at this on a more personal level, how can you compare yourself to someone else that has everything you believe you are missing? The simple answer is that you cannot. The better answer is to try and have a different perspective. The phrase quality over quantity comes to mind first. I will forever believe that you must be great at the tools available to you. It means to buy in on the things you are good at and double down on them while adding other skills to compliment that base. If all you have is a jab, then work extensively on that while learning the technique of the cross. Step by step increase your base tools and expand. Your contemporary could have been blessed with athleticism that you do not have. Either you live in mediocrity or you work hard on your personal gifts to find your greatness. As fighters and martial artists the fastest way to get to place of non-growth is not using what we lack as motivation. As fighters we are sort of bound by the idea that we can beat whomever is in front of us. It is often said that if you don't believe that, you should not be competing. I believe this as well. The very idea that someone is considered better than you, can do more, or accomplishing more should be a clear motivation to get focused on your craft. As a human being you can toil at a job for years and never get that promotion, even worse you can watch the new guy get it in a year. Life is not fair. It is irrelevant, do not get stuck on fairness but do get stuck on forward momentum. Don't just stay in your lane, if you want a clearer path then you must build more lanes. If you do this, nothing can get in your way.



Peace, 
L

Friday, April 12, 2019

Do hard things, including love more.

    
Where I thought the gym was going to be.
 
It's been a little while since I've written anything but plenty of things have been on my mind. First is an update on the gym. We have reached the two year mark and it is by far one of the hardest things i've done and it was made exponentially harder due to the circumstances. As the recently deceased Nipsey Hussle expressed, this is a marathon not a sprint. So for everything that has transpired throughout this journey I am happy with where we are. So very grateful for everyone and every opportunity. Thank you all.
      It's easy for people to tell you what and how you should go about your life but the truth is there are plenty of examples to draw upon. The majority of the most successful of us didn't get gifted anything. The difference between making personal dreams and accomplishments become reality lies in choice. We all have a choice to honestly pursue our own successes even in the face of seemingly  insurmountable obstacles. Quit or keep going is your choice and your challenge I commend those that continue forward and I understand and encourage those that need a rest and regroup. Just don't quit.
     Let the obstacles in front of you testing your resolve become benchmarks in your growth and vision of your goals. Even if you have to switch lanes to get back on track do so with ferocity and acceptance that even though it is out of the way your are on the right path and your choice has already been made.
     Over this last couple of years I have run into mountains. I doubted myself to my soul but I made the choice to just keep going. I've had to sacrifice some friendships and relationships not based on anything that happened but simply for my own mental health. I had to isolate from the negative vibes and love from a distance. I was and still am in search of...but I also have found so much in myself. Much like fighting an opponent in the ring, fighting through adversity gives you a different view of yourself as a human being and each conquest gives you a further vision as to what could be.
     One of the hardest things to do in this life seems like it should be the easiest and that is to Love. Not the love you give to your mate though it should be measured accordingly. To love those around you even if you disagree with their ideas even if they aren't down for you. It's easiest to put them in the “they can fuck off” category but can you still have love for those that don't believe in you? The answer is a resounding YES!
     I know this is a hard concept and I struggle with this as well but I believe in it. Just because I don't rock with you like that or you don't have good things to bring to my personal universe doesn't mean I can't have love for you, even if it's from afar. I personally can't grow and become what I want and at the same time have hate in my heart for another person. It's a work in progress…
    Lost a few friends over the last couple of years and I just want to take this moment to say love more those around you. Your paths may cross for years or for a brief moment in time but we gotta do better about appreciating those moments as a culture.
    When the artist, entrepreneur Nipsey Hussle was murdered last week it really hit me hard because I was truly inspired by him. I had some people message me about it because they knew how much I looked up to him. I would listen to his mixtapes and get hyped about making something bigger than myself happen. Though I am not there yet I know I'm on the right path. I know that you are too.
   Keep doing hard things to make you a better human and keep loving more to prove you are an evolving human.
Peace and Blessings.

L

R.I.P. Bigg Rodd
R.I.P. Nipsey Hussle
     

Sunday, November 4, 2018

The Purge: Making room for gratitude

Well well well... Its been a long time since we were here together. When I used to write this blog it was a way for me to get out my feelings, good or bad. A way to tell stories of my life's journey. It was a way to connect to my friends and to be honest about who I am and how I perceive not only Muay Thai but the Martial arts world as a whole. It was my outlet. Since the last time I wrote this blog my life has changed drastically as well as my relationship with Muay thai and martial arts in general. I finally achieved a huge goal in opening the first Lucky's Muay Thai gym. It was bitter sweet because at the same time I went through a devastating break up which split up my family. Everything I was working towards was still in place but the reasons I did them changed tremendously. I honestly wasn't sure if I would make it. I spent a lot of nights after everyone left the gym sitting at my desk pouring tears. If it wasn't for my amazing friends, family and students I'm not sure I would have gotten through it. For that kind of love I am forever grateful. However, between the stresses of the gym opening and Miami getting a CAT 4 hurricane which killed business for months, and fighting off depression and panic attacks daily, I was drowning. I was completely aware that it wasn't going well and I was doing my best to keep it moving. Fortunately, I did. Now I have to do my best every day to leave those feelings where they belong, in the past.
   It wasn't until now that I finally feel like Lucky's
Muay Thai will be here as a staple of the combat sport community for a long time to come. It isn't because of me, it is because of all of you. It was without a shadow of a doubt that my self belief got me to this point but it is your belief in me that kept me going when all was lost(believe me, it was lost). People coming up to me to tell me about the video they saw on the Internet or someone telling me that I had helped them change their life because of something I said or because the gym was there for them, how can I not be grateful. I have been more than fortunate to have two people that I met that believed in this vision enough that they were willing to jump on this boat with me and help me keep it afloat. Shout out to Benjamin London and Jacob Israel for having good hearts. That brings me to this. Now that the dark cloud is dissipating and the sun is peeping through, its time to work. I want to give you what you all give me, encouragement, support, direction, and above all else, LOVE. I'd like to personally welcome back everyone that rocked with the LMT family into the new space and we would like to welcome all the new members that have been hitting us up non-stop for information. We are for sure a family and we are as dysfunctional as any good family always is. I love you guys and 2019 is our year to make memories and accomplish goals together. I can't wait to build this gym up to reach it's full potential. I am so proud of everything we did and how you all played such an integral part of it all.

I am grateful for you all

Lucky

P.S. LET'S GO!!

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Peaks and valleys

         Hola people! I hope everyone is enjoying life and living to their best potential as we face a crazy election and some instability in the communities throughout this great nation. One thing I know for sure is that the fighters will keep training and keep fighting because it is our way to deal with life and find our own perspectives. It is our way of communicating and finding balance within ourselves. That being said it is not always so clear cut. As martial artists constantly trying to master our craft it can be challenging when we go through a period where our training isn't going as smoothly as we would like. I often find myself having these amazing sessions where everything is flowing, my low kick is gliding effortlessly into my opponents thigh as a result of a snappy jab and clinching feels as if I'm the bigger guy even when my opponent is 20 pounds heavier. On these days a person can't help but feel like the mountain top is within reach. It's the same feeling some days on the mats, I can feel the my sensei Jorge Pereira's Jiu Jitsu flowing through my very being and transitions and control feel second nature and finishes come easy. On the peak days it is like being completely in touch with my very existence. You can see this in all sports, it is a flow state that allows the unconscious mind to manifest itself in a conscious form. It can be this way in life as well. There are moments in life where everything is happening without hiccup, work is going great, the boss loves you, your relationship feels like it is out of a 1movie, there's money in the bank and life is beautiful. However, the flow state is rarely sustainable for long periods of time and as the title suggests we all must go through peaks and valleys.
         I can start trying to put together the same combinations, use the same footwork, shoot that same snappy jab and follow it with that low kick and in this case it gets blocked and countered. In the clinch I'm getting thrown and swept and pummeled with knees and I feel as if it is the first time I ever strapped up a pair of gloves. I can go to Jiu Jitsu and literally get tapped and strangled from every position even through my defense. These my friends are the valleys and they are for everyone. None of us are immune to having bad training days or bad days in life. So how do we manage these bad days? The answer is they aren't bad, they are learning days. If every training day was good we would never learn anything nor would we know what an amazing training day or fighting day would look like. Let's not look at the "bad days" as worthless or a reflection of our true selves in the ring, on the mat, or in life. Let's instead look at those days as useful in figuring out what we are capable of and what our potential can be. Life is hard, there are no manuals, instructions, or absolutes. We must learn on the go and from training partners, friends, family, and experience. Don't get discouraged by the off days, embrace them and make them part of your growth. If training and fighting were easy everyone would be doing it. The same goes for life, everyone isn't living life because it's not easy, some people are just walking through it. About to head into training and either way it will be a good day. Love you all keep your hands up and never give up your back. Peace and blessings.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Adjust and re-adjust

Oh boy has it been a minute. Glad to be back writing again I missed reaching out to all of you and as the title suggests I've been working towards making adjustments in my skills as well as my life.   The key to being successful in the ring or on the mats is the same in life, the ability to adapt on the fly as the circumstances change.
      In sparring sessions I was beginning to notice that either I was being lazy, my timing was off or everyone I sparred was just getting so much better that one of my best tools, my counter left hook was just no longer a factor. After a series of frustrating goes I began to pick it apart. What I found was a few things, first off it was absolutely laziness as I had become complacent because had used it successfully so many times that I had taken it for granted that it would just land when I threw it. The second thing I realized was I wasn't really willing to be there I was counting on my length and speed instead of proper technique. I found myself leaning away and the punch becoming wide and generally hitting nothing but air. The reason this came to light was because of my lingering shoulder injury. Without the use of my right hand to any great capacity all of my inadequacies with my left hand became obvious. In order to fix this problem I have been basically testing different approaches. Staying in the pocket longer, trying to time my opponents advancing movement, and setting traps to lead them into the hook. I've had some success and some miscues but it's a constant work in progress as it is in life. There is no one right way to deal with adversity in life. Each situation requires an honest interpretation as well as a educated plan of action. Adjusting and adapting to the curveballs life throws at you is not impossible but can definitely be challenging. Trying your best to keep a positive attitude and a vision of how you want those situations to turn out is imperative. I recently spoke to a nephew of mine that gas struggled through some tough times in his life and is about to get a second chance and for me the most valuable thing I could express is one thing I've learned to be true and that is to never quit. People will have plenty to say about what you do both positive and negative but the reality is that it doesn't matter what anyone says if you are persistent and persevering anything is possible. As Nas once said, "The world is yours", never forget that and never give up. It will all pay off in the end. Create small goals and absolutely crush them on your way to realizing your vision. Adjust and re-adjust until you clear the obstacles in your way, anything is possible. Peace and blessings.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

There is _____ here.

Many people that become fighters also become obsessive about it. It could be the training they enjoy or the camradery with their training partners, perhaps it's the release of the stresses of everyday life. I've often heard fighters and people that train regularly say things like, "if it wasn't for this I would be in jail for beating someone up", or, "this saved my life". Yes I can totally relate to those of us that just need to have an outlet to get away from all of the internal and external factors that keep us from just being free and happy.
However that is not the end all be all of what is felt in the gym, or on the mats or in the ring or the cage. There is something else their that the average fan won't ever see or get to experience and therefore understand. You can call it passion or energy or for that matter call it what it really is and that is love. There is love here even when it doesn't exist anywhere else. The moment one foot steps in everything else begins to evaporate. There is no question in my mind why fighters stick around past their prime or why people become lifelong martial artists. What is inside of those squared circles or Octagons or on those mats can't be found anywhere else. It's also evident by the amount of ex-fighters that become drug addicts, because they are searching for that out of body unconscious connection that they no longer have. Regardless of outcomes of fights or wins and losses, no matter the amount of sweat or blood lost in sparring or in actual competition there is a feeling in the hearts of those that compete that cannot be duplicated in any other sport. That is not to diminish other peoples chosen athletic activities and I understand that some sports are considered just as violent as fighting but that isn't what separates us. The differences lie in the unification between the physical, mental, and emotional connections and what can only be compared to an, at times, out of body experience. You hear basketball players and other athletes having a good game or day as being described as being "in the zone". A fighter is in constant expression of that zone and it is most evident when that energy is exchanged back and forth from one martial artist to another. There is truth to the phrase styles make fights but the real truth is that fighters make fights and those fights are built on the foundations of the  energy boiling and erupting in the places that fighters are made. I can
distinctly remember the places I have fought and trained or grappled and competed however like most fighters it is very difficult to remember what exactly happened during those times. Ask a fighter what happened after a fight and most of them will say I don't remember or they can remember only bits and pieces and they'll have to watch it later. In the moments that a the bell rings to start the fight or the competition all things outside of that moment often become blurry and almost non-existent. It's not that we don't realize that other people are there but we are in our "zone" and we are not alone, that zone is both our own and a shared space with the other competitor. There is nothing like it. Other than some adrenaline junkies you can ask fighters to do crazy things like sky diving or swim with sharks etc and most might shrug their shoulders at such things mostly because after you face mortality every single day a person facing mortality for one single day just doesn't seem very appealing.
For those of us that have been blessed enough to take part in what most consider an insane lifestyle we know about the energy that exists in these places and it is real. You can call it passion or energy or for that matter call it what it really is and that is love, there is love here.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Fundamentals are the key

After all the years involved in Martial arts I am still in awe of the progression of techniques and evolution of the different styles. The other thing I'm fascinated with is how the fundamentals of every combat sport can in most cases nullify the new and or fancy techniques. The reason why this is so amazing to me is because watching someone jumping through the air or spinning in circles while they strike or attack with grappling is beautiful and mesmerizing to look at. However, much like a solid sharp jab will beat a power hook the fundamentals are the key to the evolution and not the other way around. When Steph Curry of the Golden State Warriors is nailing three point shots from all over the court it may look like he's been doing that from the beginning I can almost guarantee that it started with learning a proper lay up or free throw shot. When I started doing Taekwondo I can remember spending a great amount of time sitting in a horse stance throwing straight punches from the hip. My Sensei wasn't teaching turning side kick or spinning back fist or jumping knees for that matter all I remember are the fundamentals. This isn't to say that flashy techniques don't work they surely do, what complicates their effectiveness is how fundamental the opponent is. In the Ufc lightweight title fight between Anthony Pettis and Rafael dos Anjos all the flashy went out the window. Rafael dos anjos put pressure and used very sharp, very strong punching and kicking and then attacked with basic wrestling double leg takedowns pressure ground-and-pound. In Glory Kickboxing Raymond Daniels used his sport kick fighting blitz style to dismantle fighters left and right with spinning back kicks and jumping spinning back kicks anything you can imagine. Strikers were falling like flies. Twice when Raymond Daniels came up on Nieky Holzken he was stopped Nieky put pressure applied simple boxing techniques simple leg techniques and it was enough to stifle Raymond Daniels and stop his flashy but aggressive style. In the case McGregor vs Nate Diaz fight Conor McGregor had a full camp came in very aggressive throwing spinning kicks and punches from all angles and that was all stifled with a simple one-two combination for Nate Diaz. Once  Conor was rocked he tried to shoot for a very poor double leg takedown which Nate transitioned into a rear naked choke one of the first submissions you learn. I wholeheartedly believe that the more tools you have in your toolbox the better off you'll be and the more opponents you can defeat but I also believe it all starts with your base. How good are your fundamentals? How good is your jab? how good is your cross? When it comes to the ground game how good is your pass? How good is your guard? How good is your control and your pressure are the questions that I often ask myself. Now this is not saying that there aren't special athletes out there whose fancy footwork or arsenal have gotten them to the top we can take a guy like Wonderboy Thompson in MMA who's on the verge of having his first title shot and  he fights primarily with his hands down bouncing side to side in a sport karate style. The question isn't how good Wonderboy Thompson is now, the question is how good is Wonderboy Thompson when he faces somebody with a skill set of fundamentals that's as strong as his skill-set coming from a karate background. It's hard to say what will happen but damn it'll be fun to watch. Maybe the reason that Stephen Thompson so good is because his fundamentals are great maybe that was the same with Anthony Pettis maybe the same with Raymond Daniels. Ultimately the base is what matters and the strength of your discipline you can't give up what you first learned and put all your eggs in the basket of if I spin or if I jump maybe I'll surprise them, maybe I'll be able to finish them, the reality is that your job can be fairly repetitive, move your head, keep your hands up, keep your feet moving and stay focused. As far as Jiu Jitsu is concerned it's important to learn positions and how to control them before you ever even consider submitting someone. My advice to all is never ever get out of your game but build your game into something effective and beautiful to watch. I often tell my Fighters it doesn't matter what the other person does it only matters what you do. Spend the time making good habits in the gym and revisit your fundamentals regularly.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Becoming it...

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What's up people!?! It's been a minute since I've been able to fingers to keyboard. My schoolwork in pursuit of this Psychology degree is taking up most of my writing time. I am actually rewriting this one because it magically disappeared overnight. Anyway, we are approaching our first fights of the year this week and the team looks sharp and ready for whatever comes their way. During this camp for them I found myself being very reflective of myself and where I am now and where I am going. I don't know if it's because I've reached middle age or the effect of fatherhood on my psyche but instead of winding things down I want to do just the opposite, I want to ramp things up. Now what that means exactly, I don't know. I just know that I am not just satisfied with my current state or any accomplishments I may have had in the past. I realized that I am stricken with the same obsession as many others like me, the obsession of Martial arts. We are Yin and Yang, pushing and pulling and connecting with something in our souls that most people are afraid of and some people won't even admit exists.
        I've been back on the mats doing Jiu Jitsu and the thought of competing is bouncing erratically around my brain. After a short hiatus I returned to the mats with an improved game and a growth mindset and with that it seems that my game has evolved. I don't care for points or for what may give me wins by advantage, I only want to go for the submission and try my best to use the art the way it was meant to be used. I refuse to settle for stalling and holding positions, I have accepted that me going for it might lead to some losses but I'll never be where I want by being complacent and safe. The greats are hardly ever resting on their laurels. As I told one of my students this week, "it isn't the belt around the champions waist that matters,it is the struggles, sacrifices, injuries, as well as friends and family members and sometimes significant others that are lost to ignorance along the way". Greatness requires understanding and belief in what is possible and what is possible is anything and everything.
        I want to be the best me possible in the arts I train daily(Boxing, Muay Thai, and Jiu Jitsu) and add a few more tools to the chest by challenging myself to learn the blade, archery, and firearms. I love this feeling of not being finished the feeling of being absolutely obsessed with what my body and mind and spirit can do when they are in tune. This can go for anything in your life that you choose to do. You must first find the thing that moves you, then fall in love with it, obsess over it, and submerge yourself in it. Work so hard at it that you simply embody the very thought of it. Become it...

Thursday, January 7, 2016

The year

           What is up people! I have had some time off from the blog as I navigated through the holidays and have slowly come down from the high of fighting professionally which is still a trip for me to think about. I am about to get back on the mats for my own personal growth and also looking to grow as a coach by branching out and getting my fighters outside of Florida. I've watched them develop so much and they deserve to have the opportunities that weren't necessarily available to me. Goal smashing and hurdle jumping are key for the LMT brand and if you are a supporter I suggest you save some money for tickets and gear because things are about to get exciting. This isn't for the new year, this is for everyday. I Love that everyone prepares themselves for the new year with resolutions to do better than the year before it's a beautiful concept. I would offer a different perspective on personal growth whether that be physical or mental and that is that you tackle each day like it's the new year. Last year was brilliant and there were a some dreams that were realized and some that have been deferred but regardless of this time will not stop. We are chained to the clock so to speak and as many of us have seen with fighters in every combat sport the ones that don't progress in their craft tend to fall by the wayside. So this year we will take on a new mantra as it concerns fighting and in life. Everyday is a day for progress and some steps back are actually a giant step forward. 
          As we prepare for the first of many fights this year, the entire LMT team wishes all of you that have supported us happiness, health, prosperity, and most importantly progress.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

FEAR

Dressing room pre-fight
                As the days leading up to the competition turn into weeks and the weeks quietly become months there is a literal roller coaster of emotion that overtakes a fighters psyche. There is a mix of anxiety, frustration, happiness, a feeling off being a warrior prepared for battle at anytime and a feeling of fear that most couldn't handle. It is the way in which we see ourselves change and evolve on a daily basis and sometimes the emotions can change by the second. Our brains are flooded with questions; Is my opponent better than me? Have I trained enough? Why am I doing this? Maybe I should just quit. And this is just the tip of the iceberg it can go deeper and deeper even seeping into the fighter's personal life. Fear is the great revealer. Whomever a fighter thinks they are can be deciphered by what they do with their fear. Can they use it to become better at their craft or will they fall victim like so many before them and crumble at their opponents feet or even make it to the fight at all.
              During my camp for any competition I generally start out very upset with myself and that is on a good or a bad day. I have a genuine anger aimed at myself for not being better. I love greatness and I may not ever be great but I want to feel like I am working as hard as the great ones do, and regardless of how many hours I put in I never feel like it's enough. I eventually get passed those feelings in a few weeks and then I start to question my opponent and how good they might be and if I should even continue on and if I have an injury I wonder to myself if its enough to make me stop training and even call off the fight or drop from the competition. The answer unequivocally is a resounding no I will never quit and every moment I'm not training my opponent probably is so I have to keep working. If you catch me around this time and ask me if I'm ready or how do I feel I will always have jokingly tell you that "I am terrified". Half joking...
                By the last few weeks of training I am a ball of anxiety. Nothing is as good as it should be and if I can't correct it I am pissed off. I have turned my stress and anger outward at this point. I can safely say that it is not a time to pick at me and I am in no way satisfied with anything. I want to fight so bad but I know I am not where I want to be. I do know however that there is no way I am being out trained. I am putting in the work. That was all motivated by fear. I have heard other fighters say similar things about being motivated by the fear, not of the other fighter but about what could happen about "getting caught". This is a commonly used phrase in the fighting world meaning a fighter got clipped by a punch, a kick or even a submission they didn't see coming or they fell into as in, " I was doing great and just got caught". That fear is real, when it is said like that it is meant to say that at that moment it was out of your control the same as getting bitten by a shark, it just happened. Every day is a day training to be the one catching the other guy.
Erupting post fight
               The reality though is that we will get punched and kicked and choked and people will cheer or boo or yell ridiculous things that should be saved for pro wrestling i.e. "rip his fucking head off" or "fucking kill him"(really not trying to kill anybody j/s) but most will never understand what it is that you are voluntarily doing. Risking your health both mental and physical for the entertainment of the spectator and the promoters wallet. In return for this we get to stare deep into our own souls and determine that we are not weak or afraid, we are in fact brave. There is a moment where the fear disappears, maybe in the dressing room or as they announce your name or you step through the ropes but when that threshold is crossed you've officially realized that fear is everything because it pushed you and at that very same moment you realize it is nothing.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Pro fighter / Dreamchaser

Walking to the ring.
What is up people?!! I know its been a minute but I was completely focused on making my dream a reality. Let me first say that this might turn out to be long winded but I have so much to say that it has to be a complete thought. If you've read my blogs in the past then you might know that I wasn't at first planning on fighting and I actually started fighting in the amateurs in my 30's, a late bloomer. I didn't expect anything so I wasn't out there looking for a team or a manager or even a coach, I just decided to work my ass off and choose a few people that I could trust. It was a great decision. It led me to three amateur championships and the ability to train others, and to meeting some incredible people along the way. At this point I knew I really wanted to fight in the pros at least once, but a couple of things came to mind when I would think about doing it. First off nobody is looking to throw an over 40 fighter on their fight card unless they are looking use that person as a stepping stone for their younger fighters. The second thought that would come up is how can I find time to train like I need with my schedule and hectic life, regardless of my dream, I have family responsibilities as well as coaching others to help them achieve their dreams. Then I would have worries about the ability to compete on a high level, am I too old? I looked to Bernard Hopkins, Dan Henderson, as well as a long list of other over 40 fighters that used their knowledge to compete against younger fighters, I mean have you seen Hopkins vs Pavlik?
The signing of the contract
Okay so after I finally made my decision, I realized that nobody was planning on adding me to their already full cards. And then it happened, Master Mehrdad Moayedi a former fighter and the first promoter I ever fought in the amateur for gave me a call and offered me a fight. I was close to giving up on the dream and focusing on just being a coach. I would have forever been hanging over my head if I didn't get the chance. I signed the contract and so it began.
        Camp started and I was indeed rusty but hungry nonetheless. I started running regularly which is crazy for me because I almost never ran before my amateur fights but I knew that I had to have good conditioning otherwise I wouldn't make it and beyond that I wanted to train like a professional and fight like one. I worked tirelessly doing pads, strength and conditioning training and sparring with some friends and some monsters. It was all grueling to say the least and then it happened, my first opponent dropped out with an injury but something told me just keep training it will work itself out. I was right within a couple of days I had a new opponent and the motivation  was back one hundred percent. I was more focused then I had ever been but in sparring I wasn't as active or effective when I was active. I had no movement and that was the key to me finally raising my level. It had been a while since I have fought and I had become comfortable standing in place and countering during sparring but because of that I had become complacent.
Kru Dave Gomez, me, and Remy Bonnell
Lesson learned, I began studying a fighter by the name Rayen Simson, a Dutch champion that had beaten the likes of Ramon Dekkers and I thought for sure this is my style and using it would allow me to become more fluid. Sparring got better.
   The date was rapidly approaching and I was starting to become more and more irritable, as well as nervous. The closer to the fight the less nervous I got, I started to believe and enjoy the moment. I have been dream chasing for so long and it was finally here and then the last two weeks came and it started to get crazy. I had sent in my medicals however the boxing commission wanted a CT scan of my brain and an Ekg which wasn't presented to me. Talk about freaking out, I was lucky enough to pull some strings and get some favors in order to get it done and it wasn't until the weigh ins that I actually got the final Ekg results. That was the least of my worries though because 2 days before the fight my opponent pulled out. At the moment I received that message I was in the middle of dealing with some other things and I was devastated. I felt as if all the air had left my body and I was sick to my stomach. I had finally made it but it was not to be. All I could think about was all those that had helped me get to this point, people donated their time and energy and money all for me to fulfill a dream and it would all be for nothing.
        The next day the news came that I would have an opponent and it wasn't what I had wanted by any means. The new opponent was a friend of mine, Warren Thompson, his opponent dropped out as well. We had fought each other in the amateurs and had a beautiful fight we displayed good technique and had gotten cheers from the crowd after the fight. Since that time we had become friends so now what? We both took the fight with reservation. Neither of us wanted to fight each other but we both have dreams. It was necessary and quite possibly the best and worst outcome of our situations. When I walked into the weigh in we saw each other immediately and both threw our hands up as if to say what the "F" is going on. We shared a few laughs and decided that this would be the last one against each other. Warren is a one of the good ones out there a true martial artist and a legitimate Muay Thai fighter.
Round one
Now as for the fight, it was amazing. I was able to display my skills on a high level and it was an honor to do so. I had an amazing time having my family there as I had reached my long time goal. My friends made the trip and cheered loudly and I loved every minute of it. The fight wasn't judged in my direction and that is a little upsetting but the reality of it is that I gained more just walking to the ring than any one win could have given me. I accomplished the seemingly impossible. I had an idea years ago and began to follow it and little by little it grew and at times it wilted but I never gave up hope. The pursuit itself was enough to be proud of but what I can truly say now to my kids and others is never stop chasing your dreams.
Landing a right hand which was working for me that night.
Dreams are not un-achievable ideas they are the vision of the achievable. I remember Kevin Garnett after winning the NBA championship with the Celtics after years of perseverance and the pain of never getting there and he screamed into the microphone a phrase that I always repeat in my head over and over, "Anything is possible".

Lucky Lloyd Walton (Pro fighter)


Special Thanks to: Romeo Montana and Sarah Zdanis for giving me their time in training and cornering me. Jorge Vargas and William Candelario for the padwork. Jex Fontaine for just basically being a bad ass and expecting the same from me. Jolie Glassman and the entire gym for all the support. My sparring partners Dave Gomez, Remy Bonnell, William Candelario, Romeo Montana, and that one time I sparred that UFC fighter Alex Garcia. Juan Lazcano Trevino for always being the source of good energy and hooking up the hotels. Also Danny Silva for giving me another place to train. Master Mehrdad for the opportunity. The whole LMT crew for believing in me. Last but not least my family for putting up with what some might call a silly dream and everything that goes with it, mood swings and all. I Love you guys!


Wednesday, September 2, 2015

How pain builds and destroys champions

       Hola my friends! Just got back from beautiful Costa Rica with the family on a much needed vacation. I desperately needed a break and a moment to breath and clear my head. Now that I'm back it's time to get ready for October 9th at the Bradenton Convention Center where I will be putting my Muay Thai skills to the test against Aaron Conway. Hit me up for tickets if you need them I'm stoked to fight someone with a similar mindset like mine, I'll write about that at another time but for now let's get into this. 
       Pain breeds champions and it also destroys them. When I mention the word pain it naturally gives the connotation of a physical trauma of some sort but I'm talking about mental and emotional pain. The pain of sharing clothes between 2 or 3 siblings, of violence in the neighborhood, losing a friend or family member, domestic violence, the kind of pain that starts a fire that can only be extinguished by accomplishment and success beyond the comprehension.
I mean Mike Tyson made 300 million dollars between the 80's and 90's. That type of money was unfathomable for anyone coming from his type of background. A street kid from Brooklyn committing petty crimes with no real chance of a future until he started boxing. Emotional suffering is as much of a motivator as it is a shackle. It is this feeling and the ability for those affected by it to inflict their pain on others whether consciously or subconsciously.

    Most underprivileged youth and even adults don't have the resources to get mental health care to deal with the pain. Counseling is so far out of the realm in some places that it is even frowned upon. The question becomes then, would we have the greats like Bernard Hopkins, or even Johnny Tapia if it wasn't for the struggle of an unfortunate background ie. the pain. What about the Muay Thai greats and there are many and as much as the sport has grown worldwide Thailand is still a very poor country. Children are fighting in Thailand at an early age to earn money to feed their families as chronicled in movies like Buffalo Girls. Sylvie von Ittu recently wrote that her friend Phet Jee Jaa, who my
daughter Nin was named after, was until recently sharing a mouthpiece with her little brother. Phet Jee Jaa is such a good fighter that she was at one point banned from fighting boys. In my experience the Thai people are always smiling and happy but there must be something to the fact that some of the best all around strikers in the world come from one of the poorest places.
    When we discuss why inner city kids don't really get into games like golf in this country it always comes back to economy. Golf is expensive, you have to buy the equipment, the balls, not to mention you can't even get on a course if not dressed properly. Fighting is cheap, you have all the equipment you need attached to your body. Obviously gloves etc. would come in handy but as I remember it growing up in Chicago some of the best fights I ever saw were out in the streets. I can't even remember how many times I or another friend uttered the words, "let's play karate". It didn't cost anything for us to wrestle or kick the crap out each other for an hour.
    Sorry, started to ramble..lol. The truth is that pain, emotional distress, anger about growing up in an unfortunate situation can push a person to the limit. Take a fighter like Ronda Rousey, the other female fighters in her division are all good athletes but having lost her father/best friend to suicide at a young age has pushed her to be better then everyone else. She was a bronze medalist in the Olympics at Judo and started off her MMA career by finishing all of her opponents by throws and armbars but just recently she face planted Bethe Correia with a right hand. Bethe made the mistake of mentioning suicide when trying to build the fight. That punch that put her down was partially solid technique and part punishment for having the gall to involve herself in the pain that built Ronda.
If you are ever faced with having to fight a person that comes from a painful situation there are several ways to go about the mental battle with that person. You can bring up there personal life and issues to try to get them to be emotional and out of their game or you can simply let them know that your skills are better. It's often been proven that the latter way is the better and more honorable way in other words, don't poke the bear.
          Fighters can start to feel unstoppable and sometimes they are. The downfall of course comes later, but not always. It definitely depends on the person, but it also depends on their circle of friends and whether or not they have dealt with the pain. I feel like that need to release the built up anger and emotional destitution sometimes just doesn't get quenched. You can be on top of the world with everything you ever wanted and the ability to take care of your family but behind your smile and beneath the scars of battle the pain is still their. Drugs and alcohol often become the crutch for fighters when they can't release that pain anymore. Look at a champion like Oscar de la Hoya, he ended up with a cocaine problem and some unsightly photos floating around on the internet. Maybe it's the you that nobody else sees. The part of you that you can verbally share and even shed a tear about with friends but they can never actually understand unless they had a similar upbringing. So when people say things like "I can't believe he blew all his money" or "why does he keep getting in trouble it makes no sense". They should actually step back and evaluate the person for where they came from or what they might have experienced. Fighters and other athletes that come from places most people would be scared to walk through carry with them a deep cutting pain that's hard to get away from even in the midst of success. Now I know it doesn't apply to everyone but do some research on your favorite fighters and other athletes, I think you'd be surprised at what you find.
        I've spent years trying to get past the pain of my youth. I started fighting late but I don't know how to live without it. Once I found out how to win I couldn't stop competing. When I do stop I feel incomplete and like I have to do something to get that feeling back. It's where I feel the safest, when it's not safe at all.

Peace guys, don't forget to support me in my October 9th fight. Message me for details and I always appreciate comments.

Friday, August 7, 2015

A couple of stars does not make up the Universe

So as of late we are beginning to see some of the biggest names in kickboxing and Muay Thai defect over to MMA. The question that needs to be answered is what does that mean. In an interview I recently watched one of my all time favorite fighters, Tyrone Spong said that the organization he fights kickboxing for(Glory) can't afford him at the moment. We've also seen another big name in Joe Schilling win the Glory middleweight tournament and then eventually make his way all the way down to our lovely state of Florida and join American Top Team so that he too can reap some of the benefits of those MMA dollars.
So what does it mean to the sport of Kickboxing or Muay Thai? Absolutely nothing. The exodus by a few top name fighters to a sport that is growing and beginning to put some cash in the pockets of the fighters participating in it is just a good business decision for them in the long run. Especially if they are successful. This type of thing just goes to show that our sport is still an obscurity for some odd reason. It's hard for me to believe that with the amount of action that's involved on a Lion Fight Muay Thai card or a Glory Kickboxing card the us hasn't really caught on yet.
I know Tyrone Spong is a draw as is Joe Schilling but if you haven't seen Nieky Holzken, Josh Jauncey, and Sittichai Sitsongpeenong(a Thai boxer in kickboxing) in Glory or Kevin Ross, Gaston Bolanos, Tiffany Van Soest, etc. in Lion Fights, then you are missing out. I don't know if it's miss use of marketing money or people just not understanding the sport but either way if there isn't a renaissance in kickboxing in North America it could be one of the biggest tragedies in combat sports. And even then our sport will live on in obscurity and in some ways that would still be okay. At least we don't have to wear uniforms. J/S.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Is your training well rounded

        What is up people?!! It has been a minute but I am back and I am going to be here for a long time. So much has been going on with the LMT crew and in my personal life that it has been hard to keep up. Let's run through it really quick. First off I am back in school studying psychology trying to add to my tools for the athletes I train. I am finally becoming a pro and fighting October 9th and my fighters are looking great in the amateurs and my daughter just turned one year old, time flies. It has been an amazing journey and I am embracing every minute even the not so great ones. That being said we are popping the clutch and peeling out as we move forward with the LMT movement so buckle the f@ck up!! I wanted to touch on this subject as I head forward towards my fight and my amateur fighters enter new realms with their careers.
        In the past the physical training that was available was limited. Fighters would do the typical calisthenics and skill training along with the daily runs and possibly some heavy lifting. For the longest time it was not only what was considered the best way to train but it was also frowned upon in some circles if a fighter stepped outside that box and tried something new. Eventually athletes were "cross-training" and that became the new thing. Now fighters and other athletes are using scientific formulas mixed with a little "bro science" to get them to their peak physical shape.
         Let me first say that the amount of exercises and programs available are mind blowing. If you go on social media and flip through pictures you'll see dozens of people at sports fitness facilities doing all sorts of training to reach their goal. Working with the top trainers and pushing themselves to the next level. The only problem for the average Joe is that those places are pricey. Many fighter are fighting just to break even and most have part time or even full time jobs to make ends meet. So how can someone compete with that type of training without having that kind of cash in the bank. Well for starters you're going to have to be disciplined. You have to make up your mind that you want to get better, faster, stronger and nothing is going to stop you. Now beyond that the next step is research.
There are plenty of free resources when it comes to fight training and the first on the list is always going to be YouTube. The great thing about YouTube is that you are able to see and understand how the movements should be done and in some cases the reasoning and science behind it. At then end of this blog I'll add some links for you to check out some websites etc.
         It's been my experience that you can't stick to one way to get into great physical shape. Of course long runs are a staple in combat sports as well as sprint work. I would contend that high intensity interval training and swimming are also great ways to increase your cardio capacity. For strength you could use a mixture of heavy lifting, kettlebell training, and body weight training. Lastly you're going to need some flexibility training. My amateurs have been seriously active in yoga the last couple of fights and it has helped immensely with their breathing as well as flexibility. I've seen high level athletes starting to make their way into pilates studios as well to get that extra edge. Ultimately you have to look within yourself and at the available resources and make the extra effort to be great. It will not be given to you, you have to take it.
        One thing I have always said and stick by one hundred percent is that your skill level can often be the key to beat the more athletic opponent so after all is said and done you can have all of the physical tools but you must master your craft in order to put that athleticism to work. Understanding how your art is suppose to intertwine with your physical capability is the doorway to achieving the highest levels in combat sports.

Links to greatness:

http://www.speedofsport.com/

http://funkmma.com/site/

http://www.nakmuaynation.com/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpLH5tDGl_QiRJ1eDUTLFxQ

https://www.youtube.com/user/donheatrick 

Monday, April 13, 2015

Clawing at the throne

Hola people! Let's talk about yesteryear when a fighter in their respective sport would work their way through the ranks and fight their way up to the coveted title shot. The fighters of the past would have to not only win to get a shot at the title, but win impressively against top notch opponents that were also working their way up the ranks! If you asked them what their ultimate goal was they would say it is to be the champion, then they would say something smart like they are taking it one fight at a time and looking to fight the best fights, or they might even say that they are leaving it up to their manager. It has been the new practice in MMA to call out whomever has the belt, although I haven't seen it much in Muay Thai that could just be because there just isn't a ton of money to be made even at the highest levels. Working your way up through the competition is still somewhat commonplace in boxing though the lottery ticket that is Floyd Mayweather has brought swarms of boxers to the microphone that is social media to call out the pound for pound king. This begs to question, is it greatness they want or money? Which then leads to another question, is greatness measured by simply putting on a championship belt? I personally don't think so. I think greatness is measured by the body of work over the entire period of competition. Not everybody can be champ and not everyone that calls out the champion can be that good. 
Chael Sonnen calling out Jon Jones
We are living in a world of instant gratification as well as poorly paid fighters. The new way to make money isn't about learning your craft and beating people in such dominating fashion that people are falling all over themselves to get to you, now it's about learning your craft to a decent level and then learning how to talk smack once you get an opportunity to get close to a microphone. Lets see if this sounds familiar, "he's never fought anyone like me", "he's holding my belt for me", "he's scared to fight me", "I'm ready to go, anytime anyplace", nothing is wrong with those phrases except now you hear them coming from guys or girls not ranked in the top ten and with no quality wins on their resume. I get it, the only way to make the big bucks, get famous, and get a following in the social media age is to be loud and beat the big names, but at what cost? Where is the line? Did Chael cross the line with his semi-racist rant about the Brazilians being "pygmies", or does it have to involve talking about someone's family negatively for it to be past the point of no return? At what point is the cutoff, can you still do all of that and consider yourself a "martial artist"? I'm not sure that insulting someone's family or culture is worth putting asses in seats. Once certain words are said, they can't be unsaid. There is a debate about comedians that basically is do comedians get a pass to say what they want just because they are a comedian? In the same respect can a fighter get a pass after the fight just because they were trying to sell the fight? I can't judge, I can only say that for me I couldn't in good faith bring someone's family into the mix while trying to bid for a title shot or even just to move up the ladder. Let's not forget it wasn't until recently that fighters started really calling out the champs, it used to be the next guy up the ladder. At the most fighters would do that hand gesture after they won a fight to symbolize them wrapping the belt around their waist. Now, it's an immediate call out of the reigning champ and it is becoming more popular to do because it is being rewarded. Even fighters that have earned the next title shot are being passed over for the better talker. I mean after completely demolishing Cub Swanson a very high level guy Frankie Edgar is passed over for a the slick toungued Connor McGregor.
Connor Mcgregor yelling at Jose Aldo after defeating Poirer
It's not that Connor hasn't beaten a bunch of opponents, but high level opponents not so much. He has yet to even face a high level wrestler but damn can he talk and at times walk the line between respect and what some may consider disrespect on a regular basis
. So it's established that it is possible to move up the ladder by being a good orator but now we have to figure out who get's a pass to do so. Lower level guys should by no means start running their mouths. The upside is great, a shot at some dough, recognition, a bit of fame. The downside is that if they lose it could leave a psychological imprint that there is no recovery from. On the other hand if it's a champion from another top level organization or an Olympian in the case of Ronda Rousey, lest we forget that she talked her way into a title shot with Miesha Tate in Strikeforce and never looked back. These are the only passes I can say are legitimate. If you've beaten the breaks off some top level opponents the trash talk should just be ancillary to sell some tickets. Otherwise my only advice is don't sell your soul, work your ass off in training beat the guys or girls in your way and learn how to make some sense on a microphone. Your time will come and when it does maybe being equipped with a speech or broadcasting class might get you to your destination a little faster. Not so sure about mentioning someone's family or cultural background as those are more than "fighting words" where I come from.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Bring on the recovery!

Jorge and I post training.
What's up guys?!! Hope you guys are doing well. I am writing this one because for whatever reason I have been super sore lately. I mean my body feels like I got run over by a tractor, then a semi truck, then a steam roller, and then had an anvil dropped on my head. Anybody out there still using anvil's? Watched entirely too many roadrunner cartoons as a kid. Anyway, it's been brutal. I train pretty regularly and I am definitely at the point where I know how to listen to my body. So right now my body is screaming RECOVERY PLEASE!! The real question is how am I going to do that and hopefully giving some suggestions for you as well.
  I think the first thing I have to do is examine my rest. I would say I get about 7 hours of sleep per night and that seems to do the trick, however another one or two would be oh so sweet. I also believe that I need to take a longer break between sessions. I find myself going from client to client to my own workout and then teaching a class that I participate in on occasion and that sometimes ads up to about 4 to 5 hours on a given day. Yep, that might be a bit too much. Overall I guess I get enough sleep but rest between training can sometimes be non-existent. This has led to muscle soreness, nagging minor injuries, and just overall exhaustion. So from me to you, choose the amount of rest that matches your output in the gym. Don't end up with a permanent injury because you didn't listen to your body telling you that your knee was more sore than normal or your shoulder was feeling weak. Next thing you know it's a loud pop and now you're stuck with an injury that will forever be your training partner.
Cryotherapy chamber
   Next thing to do is to look into some ways to help your recovery along. A post workout drink containing some BCAA's (Branch chain amino acids) or L-Glutamine should be helpful. I am fond of epson salt baths as well as ice baths to help either relax the muscles or help with soreness. With technology now instead of doing ice baths the plain old fashion way, fighters are going to cryotherapy chambers to get their recovery fix. At these centers the fighter is stepping inside a chamber where the temperatures are a whopping 200 below zero. The treatments last only 3 mins. These chambers are known to help with a number fighter related problems such as inflammation but are also starting to be used to deal with other medical issues like arthritis and circulatory problems. For now, I'll stick to a few bags of ice and a bath tub..lol
Pre Ice Bath look
   Last but not least, get worked on! Line up a massage, some reflexology, acupuncture, and even some chiropractic work to get yourself back in order. If you are a fighter or you just hit the gym regularly some of these ideas might benefit you. I mean what good is all that working out and training if when you really want to use it, you're too sore or limping around on a bad injury.
  I suppose I'll get around to taking my own advice sooner than later! Peace and Love guys and go fricking recover!

Monday, February 2, 2015

This great honor!

Hola people! Hope everyone is great after an awesome couple of weekends of fights and that crazy Superbowl. I first want to start out by saying I am in a great place right now. I have an awesome family, a passion for my career, and an amazing Muay Thai team. As we move through fight week I had to express what an honor it is to be in this position. It's really an unbelievable reality.
    To begin to understand why this is such a far fetched reality for a guy like me you have to first make some comparisons to major sports and how they affect the coaches and players that are involved in them. Take Basketball for instance. Started in 1891 by a P.E. instructor trying to figure out how to keep his students active on rainy days. Now basketball players of the stuff of myths and legends. Questions arise about who the best player is or was. Often these questions boil down to a handful of guys that are in my opinion the usual suspects. Boys and girls across the country have posters of their favorite player or players lining their bedroom walls or lockers. Basketball, with a few stars has changed the culture of sports and lives across the board.
     In 1869, American football was created. teams have come and gone and great players and coaches are once again debated by Monday morning quarterbacks around the world. Over one hundred million people watched the Superbowl this year. That is a huge tell regarding the love of football as well as the history from which it comes.
     In the U.S. and abroad baseball is no different . With a rich history dating back to the 1830's and maybe further, baseball is considered to be America's past-time. Players are making outlandish amounts of money and the game is played worldwide. Players even defect from their communist ruled countries risking imprisonment  and death for a chance to play in the big leagues.
      In sports around the world you often hear the players and coaches in championship victories saying things like,"I feel blessed to be here", "It's just an honor to have my name mentioned among the best", "I just love being involved with a sport with such rich history", and they are right. However, in my case and in the case of the other fighters and teachers(Kru) that are involved in Muay Thai, it is more than that. It is a spiritual undertaking filled with honor, humility, inner conflicts, and pain. This isn't a sport that you can look back and debate who the best is because he doesn't exist mainly because it isn't a sport as much as a lifestyle. The history is more rich than the sports of of today and had multiple applications in life as well as battle.
We don't have "bests" in Muay Thai, we have legends. This sport was being practiced and applied in military training in the 1500's and against the invading Burmese army in the 1700's. It is not a sport as much as it is a calling. It is a burning passion that I cannot hide and it draws many to me but only few can actually deal with the commitment even on a exercise and fitness level. It is complicated and yet simple, it can build you into a piece of iron or crumble you into sand but all the while it is connected to your very soul. I have been involved in it for 15 years now and only in the last 5 have I been somewhat comfortable as a fighter and only the last 2 as a teacher. I am honored and humbled to be able to share my knowledge with those willing to listen and undertake the huge responsibility of being a teacher. I am passing on methods and theories passed down for hundreds of years to students that have trusted me, in some cases, with their lives. This reality is not a joking matter I take it very seriously. I received my green belt in Taekwondo in 1983, I was 11 years old.
I have been a martial artist ever since. I was just some kid in the South side of Chicago that liked
Bruce lee movies. After all this time I am still in love with the arts and I learn something new everyday. I have conceded that this is the way it will be for me and I will continue to pay homage to the students, fighters, warriors, and teachers that came before me. I am Nak Muay, I am a teacher, I am Muay Thai!

Sunday, January 18, 2015

The psychology of my canceled fight

What is up people?!! I hope you are living the dream and loving life. I am for sure starting new chapters in the LMT world. Spending time working on broadening the horizons of and for the LMT team as well as the reach of the movement. I am also getting ready to put on my first event. So all in all there are a lot of positive things going on however in the midst of all this good stuff I had planned on having a fight. Now, it was to be a tune up, keep me active fight leading into a big fight in May. I had started the grind of extra training, started going through the emotional rollercoaster, and the ideas of am I good enough ,should I be doing this,etc.. Everyone is different but for me it is always like this until the last week of training when I just move into a space where I just don't care about the voices in my head and only think "please just ring the bell". As I am dealing with all of that I get the news that my fight has been canceled. Just like that, the rug has been snatched from beneath my feet. It was extra crappy because I had to tell some of my team that they wouldn't be fighting either. It may not seem like much but for an older fighter with no coach, manager and self awareness enough to know that there aren't many opportunities left, it is a huge let down. After the shock and let down comes the doubt, maybe that was it the last hurrah. "There's no reason to fight anymore, I've done everything I can do", the mind is an incredible motivator and even worse negative Nancy. Once I have come to the realization that I am not fighting and the emotions have settled it becomes easier again just to focus on the fighters competing in the next month. That is until I start to watch fights on youtube or see fights on TV, read blogs, teach class, spar, and on and on. I am addicted to it. I am addicted to the grind of training, teaching, and challenging myself. I've come to the realization that it just won't change and I need to compete physically.So planning on spending the next month stretching, getting strong, making money, and getting ready for the challenge of competition as I know for sure I will be fighting in some way either Muay Thai or Jiu Jitsu.
   I've spent a lot of time learning my craft and I was a really late starter for Muay Thai, but I truly love it. Some people will never understand the amount of work it takes to train, teach, learn, and apply but it is a labor of love to the fullest extent. I am more in Love with it now than ever. 

EPILOGUE: Shortly after writing this I slammed my finger in a steel door.. Ugh. So the plan is solidified. Train what I can with focus on healing body and mind. Sometimes the universe makes your path for you. 
Peace
Luck